There are endless preparations to get underway when preparing for a baby. The 9 months of pregnancy at first seems incredibly long, but when you start to realise just what there is to do, they aren’t long enough! Over the time that a woman is preparing for her child, many hopes and expectations start arising.
Often, these expectations start crawling up to the surface subconsciously. They can be about what future the child will have, will they become the next basketball or tennis start? Will they love reading and writing? Will their eyes be brown or blue? These are natural questions to ponder and curious hopes to have for the future.
Amongst these, one thing that women can start subconsciously hoping for is the gender of the baby. Of course, whatever baby comes out of the womb will be unconditionally loved and supported. But from the point of conception onwards, you might accidentally start hoping and wishing for a little girl or a little boy, and experience an odd sense of disappointment when you find out it is the opposite.
Finding out the gender reveal is a big deal. If it isn’t the news you were subconsciously hoping for, it doesn’t make you a bad mom-to-be. However, there are some things you can do to overcome the accidental disappointment that occurs when the gender reveal goes the ‘wrong’ way.
Mentally prepare yourself for the ultrasound
Around the 20 week mark comes the big moment when you find out if you’re carrying a boy or a girl. In the lead up to this, it is important to have some positive self talk and prepare yourself to accept whatever emotions come from the result. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you’re disappointed it’s not the gender you wanted. Let the emotions be felt and pass them, so you can then focus on the real excitement of the gender you have.
Stay away from ‘gender deciders’
The internet is littered with many ideas on how to determine the gender of the baby while it is still in the womb. Unfortunately, while the idea is fun, there is little science to back the notions. Things like eating yoghurt to change the pH levels in hope for a girl or a certain amount of eggs giving you a boy don’t really happen. It all comes down the decision of the ova and sperm at conception and you don’t have much say after that.
Don’t put too much pressure on it
Society has a way of placing a whole lot of pressure on expectant moms. From having a big reveal party to discussing colour ideas of the nursery, expectant moms end up with more on their plate than they were expecting! The gender reveal should come at your own discretion, and in all honesty, no one else even needs to know about it.
Remember that it is entirely your choice how, or if, you go about revealing the gender and telling friends and family members. If you choose to keep it private, that should be respected. If you choose to tell others, they should respect the decision nature made. Don’t allow anyone else to pressure you or put you down for what the gender ends up being.
Trust your ability to love
Perhaps most importantly, you need to trust that you are going to love the baby, no matter if it’s a boy or a girl. While you might have desperately wanted a daughter to bond with or a son to remind you of your partner, your love won’t be lessened with the result. More powerful than anything else is a mother’s love.
In conclusion, there is nothing actually wrong with gender disappointment. It isn’t going to make you a bad mom or set you up for a future of disappointment. It is natural human instinct to have subconscious hopes and desires that aren’t always met. With all the hormones from pregnancy, it is no wonder this happens to expectant moms!
The most important thing to remember is that when it comes to your baby’s gender, you ought to remain neutral and grateful for whatever the reveal is. Either way, you are going to end up with a baby in your arms whom you will have unconditional love and gratitude for.